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I've started trying to rephrase everything as a question. When a child bosses me I ask: How can you say that a nice way? Even "why are you doing that?" and "why do you like that?" build my understanding of each child and builds our relationship.

Conflict-Free Phrases

The author of "Love and Logic" recommends we tell our kids what we hope they will do. At first I didn't like not telling my kids what to do, but I'm trying this technique with co-workers, husbands, and my parents and it seems to take the conflict out of their response. I didn't nag my husband about eating the chips, but said, "I hope you are eating healthy." His response was, "I ate really healthy this week and this is my one cheat." That was much more calm than if I said, "Don't eat that!"

Another phrase I'm trying is: Hmm, let's think that through. I often respond to a suggestion negatively. My parents responded negatively to my suggestions, so I didn't tell them my ideas any more. I hope I can train myself to say this phrase while my kids are young so they will talk to me as teens. Tonight my daughter said, "I want something to eat," while we were in the car. I said, "Let's think that through." She said, "I'll make a burrito when we get home." Wow! No argument! I didn't have to act bossy either. Please add your conflict-free phrases as a comment. Thanks!