When Stacy was just turning 3, she had a 9 day defiant streak and it was then I knew I had a strong willed child. I asked a councilor at my church about recommended books. He named 2: "1, 2, 3 Magic" and "Parenting with Love and Logic." I never did read the first book, but Love and Logic has taught me how to stop being manipulated by her and to draw the line on what I am willing to do. My husband was trying to dress her but she kept changing her mind or saying he didn't do things right. I told him to tell her we're leaving now and don't get into her little game. As we started to walk out the door she cried and ran after us, shoes in hand. I'm sure that won't work forever, but we know how to draw the line.
We have an adult family member who wanted us to pay their rent. We said yes, but next time you have to move in with us. We already pay a mortgage and have an extra room. We drew the line at what we are willing to do. My parents want to bail people out all the time. Yes, sometimes people need help, but if it's a pattern we need to draw the line somewhere and let the consequence follow. It is such a liberating feeling to know I don't have to save my kids from their consequences. I can comfort them through it, but not save them from it. Not all teaching is done through words. Some lessons must be experienced.
To use tabs, please use full web version. I believe the goal of parenting is to give my children the skills to become self-sufficient physically, socially, and spiritually. As I try a new technique I ask myself, is this teaching my child how to make good choices? Is she learning to ask God what the correct choice is? My goal is that my girls will be able to fully function as God's servants and become strong leaders for positive change.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Control over self
My daughter Stacy wanted a toy and the 2 girls were pulling it from each other. I sent Stacy to her room and as I carried her to her room her time-out kept getting longer because she was screaming and kicking. During her 20 minutes she kept poking out of her door to trade another toy for the one she wanted. I prayed about what to say as I'm reading "Teach them Diligently". When I went in and sat on her bed I told her she has a physical body that is selfish and a spirit inside that needs to control her actions. I said she has a good spirit, but it needs to be the boss of her body. She said she was sorry and I said I forgive her. Then we prayed to Jesus to forgive her too. That could have been much worse if I got more angry and discouraged!
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