To use tabs, please use full web version. I believe the goal of parenting is to give my children the skills to become self-sufficient physically, socially, and spiritually. As I try a new technique I ask myself, is this teaching my child how to make good choices? Is she learning to ask God what the correct choice is? My goal is that my girls will be able to fully function as God's servants and become strong leaders for positive change.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Taming the Spirited Child
My daughter Stacy likes to play barbies, but wants to tell me who to be and what to say. I was so annoyed I had to stop playing with her for a while. I discovered the book Taming the Spirited Child has a list of ways to play with such a child, some of which I hadn't tried for a while. I also liked the "palms up" technique. I've started doing less bossing and more asking what my child could do in a situation, but I like the signal of putting my palms up when I switch from telling to asking. I also liked helping the child discuss feelings, since this is huge for my daughter. For anger it uses a visualization of a hot stove. There's a different one for older kids too. Another tool I want to try from this book is to create an imaginary reality when she wants something she can't have. Yesterday she asked to go to Disney World tomorrow, but I didn't know how to create an imaginary reality. I'll have to practice I guess. The last big ah-ha in this book was the description of a strong-willed child: CAPPS. Curious, adventurous, powerful, persistent, and sensitive. I sure wish my mom knew about this description when raising my sister. I bet she would have give in to her less if she knew what she was up against. I hope I can handle my CAPPS daughter well over the next 18 years!
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Hi,
ReplyDeleteLike most authors I get a Google alert when someone on the internet mentions one of my books, and I just read your blog. So, first, thanks for the positive comments. I don't usually respond, but I want to follow-up on your Disney World example. The idea is to join the child in the wish, even when you can't give them what they want in reality. For example, "Boy that sounds like fun! I wish we COULD go to Disney world tomorrow. That would be so cool!" This sort of response, instead of a hard "no" or lengthy explanation about why its not possible, lets the child know that her feeling are okay and that you are on her side. You can do a lot of creative things with this type of fantasy, perhaps getting a book about Disney world to read together or even planning a fantasy trip that that you might really take one day.
Hope this gives your own creative thinking a boost. Good luck! Michael Popkin