To use tabs, please use full web version. I believe the goal of parenting is to give my children the skills to become self-sufficient physically, socially, and spiritually. As I try a new technique I ask myself, is this teaching my child how to make good choices? Is she learning to ask God what the correct choice is? My goal is that my girls will be able to fully function as God's servants and become strong leaders for positive change.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Contentment
I consider myself an expert on contentment, because my parents are both miserable and approach life from two extremes. One tries to complete tasks and earn God's love. The other tries to please herself by reaching for opportunities she missed in her youth. Neither approach will work. There are many elements to achieving happiness. 1) Be where you are. 2) Accept God's Grace. 3) Set achievable goals. 4) Have a product.
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#1) Be where you’re at. I used to spend almost all of my time thinking of the past and the future. I would dwell on mistakes I made or plan every detail of the future, but never enjoyed what I was doing at the moment. I discovered this as a performer. I was so wrapped up in getting ready for a show, but during the actual performance, I was so sad about it being over. If it was so much fun, why didn’t I enjoy those moments of getting ready? The answer is, because I didn’t know how to be where I was. The way I learned this skill is to make up a jingle: “I love what I’m doing, I love what I’m doing, I love what I’m doing; so what am I doing?” After I sing this I have to think about my 5 senses. What has God blessed me with? The soft feeling of the towel I’m folding, or the smell of the dryer sheet. Isn’t God good!?! Even a screaming 4 year old is something to be thankful for. Even if it’s just gratitude for having 12 more years to figure it all out before the real trials hit. An example for me was: I remember taking my dog out to do his business. I was amazed that when I stopped focusing on how annoying that task was, I really got to enjoy the trees and the fresh air! (Upwind of course.) Take a deep breath and just be happy!
ReplyDelete#2) God’s grace. God knows we are not perfect, so if he doesn’t expect us to be, why should we? The greatest wisdom I’ve ever spoken was when I was in prayer and I was completely honest with God. I said, “God, I’m stupid!” As soon as those words were spoken, God provided me with the answer I needed. Yes, we have to look in the mirror and not only admit that we make mistakes, but admit that we are flawed. There are some imperfections that we can never fix. God wants us to ask Him for help. Stop trying to be perfect and learn instead how to be humble.
ReplyDeleteWhat is the opposite of contentment? Pessimism. Our fear creates our unrest. Contentment is: trusting that God has a plan and even if we mess up the plan, God is all powerful. He will constantly work around our flaws to make beauty out of our mess.
#3) Set long and short term goals. I am so excited that I created a family motto because it is the mission statement for our family. Unless you know the long term goal of what you want to accomplish, you will never reach it. But if you don’t give yourself attainable short term goals, you will make yourself sick, because you can’t see any achievement. One example for me is housework. I want the whole house to be clean at one time, but since I don’t have any guests coming over, I have no motivation. Often my husband would say, “What did you do all day, because the living room is a mess!?!” It seemed hopeless getting the whole house clean, so did I give up? I wanted to, but I assessed the situation and figured out how long it would take to complete all the tasks. I set a realistic goal and short deadlines along the way. The deadline is important because I feel a sense of accomplishment when I meet the deadline. I feel proud of a job well done. As this applies to parenting, I think that expecting your 4 year old to act more mature than his age is setting both you and him up for failure. I find myself expecting too much of my oldest child. Go observe other kids, not just your friend’s kids, and see how they behave. Your friend’s kids may have totally different personality types from your own child.
ReplyDelete#4)Have a Product. When the goals have no purpose or no end in sight, how can you achieve them? My neighbor has a goal to do a marathon, so she has something to work for as she exercises. My aunt has a goal to read her scriptures every day and records the percent achievement each month. Each month she tries to beat last month's record. For my daughter, I have a sticker chart to learn all the letters of the alphabet. I planted flowers with the goal of a service project to a nearby retirement home. A physical product can bring a huge feeling of success!
ReplyDeletewhat's your family motto?
ReplyDelete