The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This book is a life-changing one especially in the area of communication. Although the first half, which discussed self-improvement, improved my understanding of what I can do to achieve my goals, the second half will affect every future conversation I have. I have tried to help my family members by teaching them the skills of self-improvement, but now I see that some of them are more affected by creative synergy. In essence I have been trying to teach them how to design a backyard landscape, when all they want me to teach them is how to build a fence. Until I can listen and validate their current goals, I will never be able to affect their perspective and vision of other goals. I will seek to rephrase their statements including the feelings I sense. When I show true concern for their feelings, my relationships will grow. My job now is to fully commit to wanting a better relationship with my friends and family.

Selflessness and Getting our Needs Met

Are your basic needs being met? Do you have enough food, shelter, and love? When a person feels resentment toward another person it is often because their basic needs aren't being met. They feel jealous that someone else has more. We need to take the resentment out of the equation and face our own feelings. I have my kids think about what they want. Then ask. Look inside yourself and search for the source of the resentment. Currently, my basic needs are all being met, so it is very easy for me to be selfless. I can give money because I have enough. I can give time because I have enough. But there was a time when I did not have my basic needs met. I think the goal in this life is to stop feeling resentment toward others and be selfless both in times of plenty and times of famine. When we are in need we should recognize it and ask for help. Sometimes there is no other option but to do without. It is in those times that we call upon God to give us strength and eventually change our attitude about the situation so we can be an instrument of God's love to others instead of being a big grump. In those times when we do have enough, we need to show gratitude and then share. If we are continuing to seek what we don't have once our needs are met, we have lost sight of the goal to be more Christ-like. Find a way to show selflessness at home or at work today!

Bathroom Notes

I think all successful people have motivational notes to themselves they can see on a daily basis. Mine are on sticky notes in the bathroom. They are: Be aware of other's needs, Be willing to give, Be willing to admit faults, Be flexible with my plan, Postive Attitude! (tone of voice/words), Enthusiastic Example, EEECH time/person (Enlighten, Entertain, Encourage, Console, Help), Humble Leader-Try, Humble Listener- Good Luck/Did you think about..., Humble Follower-Listen to council, try other ideas.
If you're like me you'd want to know how I came up with these. They are individualized based on the seven deadly sins. I took the ones I struggle with and rephrased them in a positive way: wrath-positive attitude, greed-willing to give, sloth-follow God's plan, pride-admit faults, lust, envy-humble, and gluttony-be aware of other's needs. There was one more thing I struggled with and had to flip to a positive which was: don't brag or complain about my activities. That flipped to EEECH so I can interact in a selfless way with others. What ways to you talk positively to yourself?

Received a gift

I recently received some books on loan that I didn't want. All week I stressed about finding time to read them. After praying about it, I realized I could say, "no thank you." But how? 1)Calm down- relax my jaw, shoulders, fingers, and take three deep breaths. 2) Say, "that was sweet of you to think of me. Thank you." 3) Say, "no thanks." 4) Ask, "If I have more time, can I borrow them later?" My husband gave me great advice that I make it a don't call us, we'll call you statement at the end.

Pride

I wanted to share my thoughts on this. Prideful vs Humble Phrases:
Leader: (Prideful) You’re too stupid, let me do it! I can't work with you!
(Humble) It may not come out perfect, but give it a try.

Listener: (Prideful) That’s a stupid way to do it! You're on your own!
(Humble) I hope that works out for you. Did you think about this?

Follower: (Prideful) I’m not stupid! I can do it! I can do it alone.
(Humble) Do you have any suggestions? My way isn’t working/could be better.

It looks like pride separates people and keeps them from working together, growing as one body of

Christ.

Prideful people organize others into categories of dumb and smart.
Humble people organize others into categories of degrees of mastery and understands that we are all
working at different levels for our various intelligences. My dad thinks his worthiness is static and he isn’t
good enough. If he isn’t trying, he isn’t improving. Someone we know lacks confidence, but she
used to be different. In some areas she isn’t progressing, she’s regressing. A friend said: why didn’t you put your kids in a preschool? Instead of judging, she could have asked me what I was thinking when I made that choice.
I hope this is useful to you.  It's easy to see where I can improve.

What Happens When Women Say Yes to God

I read this a while ago, but it still imacts my life. I continually listen for that still small voice to guide me each day and it has done amazing things! I wanted to sign my girls up for gymnastics or other classes and got the answer to wait. I hate to wait, but God doesn't make mistakes. Now I see that by waiting I had time to dabble in some old hobbies which may turn into a miraculous work for abused children! I wrote a song long ago that would make a perfect theme song for the local Children's Advocacy Center. All my life I've wanted to make a difference. Sitting in a stinky gym never would have given me the joy this project has brought me. I'm sure my kids will someday understand my ignoring them for a few hours.

Feeling Bad?

When we feel bad it motivates us to change. When we are depressed we think about others who are suffering and wonder how we can help others. When we are sick we search for the ailment and the cure. When we are bored we look for activities to do. I wonder if people seek a quick fix for feeling bad. I think many people want to be entertained all the time. Boredom gives us a chance to think about what our priorities are.

Memories

I love to keep journals and records of my kids' activities, so how will I condense that into an enjoyable format for the kids and family members? I plan to upload pictures to Walmart and make a memory album every 5 years for each child. I can also include as much text as I want, where I will write about their likes, events, and things they learned each year. This will be a lot faster than scrapbooking. I think it may only take a few hours to make up the whole book, but I think family history will be so much easier if I break it up into 5 year chunks.

Frustration and Faith

I find that frustration comes from a lack of faith. Is your frustration caused by your lack of faith in yourself to solve the problem correctly, that God will let the situation ever end, or in those around you to handle their situation? If your frustration stems from your lack of faith in yourself, because you don't know how to handle daily parenting situations, that's OK. Admitting it is the first step. Go to the Lord in prayer to find the best solution for you. Sometimes God tells me which type of book to buy during my evening prayers. I recommend the "Love and Logic" techniques because they are easy and can be applied in so many situations! If that's not for you, please find something else that brings calm to your reaction. Buy a book or take a workshop. Have faith that God will allow your situation to end. If you are dealing with something life-threatening, God will be with you every step of the way. Have faith in your children, your husband, and those around you. They can handle it! Your job is to do God's will in your life. As a parent, you are to teach your children to clean up their own messes. Take a deep breath! It's just spilled milk!

Contentment

I consider myself an expert on contentment, because my parents are both miserable and approach life from two extremes. One tries to complete tasks and earn God's love. The other tries to please herself by reaching for opportunities she missed in her youth. Neither approach will work. There are many elements to achieving happiness. 1) Be where you are. 2) Accept God's Grace. 3) Set achievable goals. 4) Have a product.

Stephen Frueh - Author

I just listened to his audio podcast available for free through http://www.marriageconversation.com/ called "Yes, No, Maybe" in which he talks about a life where we don't do things we want to do, but maintain the status quo because we are afraid of how others will perceive us. I recently watched "Yes Man" on DVD, so I was suprised to hear Dr. Frueh recommend we start by saying "no" to things. If I stop saying maybe, and say no instead, I might be able to do the things I'm really excited about. I haven't read his book, but let me know if you like it!