Baby Whisperer

I found this book to be extremely helpful. Especially since I didn't have a mother nearby to tell me what baby movements or sounds meant what. I highly recommend this book which was the foundation of my philosophy of respect for my baby as a human being.

If you can't say something nice

Have you ever heard: If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all? I have just learned about rephrasing what the person said to include the feeling you hear. The other day a friend said she started painting a still-life. Instead of sympathizing with her feeling of disappointment of not finishing it, I thought to myself, "who paints still-lifes?" I was stuck on the unkind thought and chose to say nothing. That caused an uncomfortable silence. I hope I can learn instead to say, "Boy, it sounds like you feel disappointed for not being able to finish it." I was able to practice my new skill this week when another friend said she forgot to keep a promise to her child. I said, "I bet you felt awful about that." It was much nicer that trumping her story with another friend who did something even worse one time. We treat people like we're in competition with them sometimes instead of just showing empathy. This is a new way of thinking for me. Try it this week and share what happened. Rephrase what they said and add the feeling you heard. For example if they say, "I can't get my kid to pick up their toys" you can say, "You feel frustrated that they don't pick up after themselves and you have to?" They may figure out a method for accomplishing it, or they may ask for advice. They may even say that's not it at all and give you a different explanation for what they said. This truly helps me stop giving advice for a wrong assessment. Instead of advice, I can give a listening ear.

Off Duty

It has come to my attention that everyone needs a few minutes each day to regroup and focus on what needs to be done. I have started telling my kids that at 9pm I am "off duty." This gives me a few minutes to myself on days my husband is out of town. Otherwise, I try to go "off duty" during the day for about 30 minutes. It helps me not feel overwhelmed and undervalued. Do you take a few minutes each day, or do you try taking time on a weekly basis?

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

This book is a life-changing one especially in the area of communication. Although the first half, which discussed self-improvement, improved my understanding of what I can do to achieve my goals, the second half will affect every future conversation I have. I have tried to help my family members by teaching them the skills of self-improvement, but now I see that some of them are more affected by creative synergy. In essence I have been trying to teach them how to design a backyard landscape, when all they want me to teach them is how to build a fence. Until I can listen and validate their current goals, I will never be able to affect their perspective and vision of other goals. I will seek to rephrase their statements including the feelings I sense. When I show true concern for their feelings, my relationships will grow. My job now is to fully commit to wanting a better relationship with my friends and family.

Privilege with Responsibility

My daughter is 5. She cried all the way to swim class because we forgot her goggles. I told her sometimes I make a checklist so I don't forget things. She liked the idea. She also wanted to walk to class on her own. I told her if she uses her checklist every day and is responsible, she can have the privilege of walking to class alone.  She drew her own pictures of what to take. Let's see if she can remember to do it each day. Hmm, I might remind her 15 minutes before we have to leave so she has time to gather everything. She can't read a clock yet.

Tantrums and Apologies

My daughter is 3, so I forget that she is still a toddler. Her temper-tantrums hide in the disguise of disagreement. I thought if we could just resolve the problem with her sister she would stop pulling hair and hitting. Now I see that she she needs more than a 10 second time-out as a consequence. I forgot that she needs to get it all out, but she should do it in her room or a special spot instead of disrupting our activities all the time. She was in control of my life. Now I can take back control in a positive way. After her tantrum is over, I started a 2 minute Time-Out, which I frowned upon with my older child.  It seems my younger child is more of a thinker and needs some think time before coming back to play.

Selflessness and Getting our Needs Met

Are your basic needs being met? Do you have enough food, shelter, and love? When a person feels resentment toward another person it is often because their basic needs aren't being met. They feel jealous that someone else has more. We need to take the resentment out of the equation and face our own feelings. I have my kids think about what they want. Then ask. Look inside yourself and search for the source of the resentment. Currently, my basic needs are all being met, so it is very easy for me to be selfless. I can give money because I have enough. I can give time because I have enough. But there was a time when I did not have my basic needs met. I think the goal in this life is to stop feeling resentment toward others and be selfless both in times of plenty and times of famine. When we are in need we should recognize it and ask for help. Sometimes there is no other option but to do without. It is in those times that we call upon God to give us strength and eventually change our attitude about the situation so we can be an instrument of God's love to others instead of being a big grump. In those times when we do have enough, we need to show gratitude and then share. If we are continuing to seek what we don't have once our needs are met, we have lost sight of the goal to be more Christ-like. Find a way to show selflessness at home or at work today!