Humble Spouse

My husband decided to teach me to pour honey on my toast. Of course I feel confident that I don't need help but my pride turned into anger and I told him he just pointed out my stupidity. I want to try being more humble by saying "That is a good way, but I don't have the energy to learn something new right now. Sorry." Now I've come up with a chart for how I could choose to take his advice and a seperate chart for how to nicely tell him the way he is suggesting will not work for me.

Conflict Resolution

When my kids are upset I have them express their feelings and get it all out before trying to solve the problem. Next they have to calm down. They can't use reason until they are calm. By the time they're calm, the solution is easy: just trade or take turns at this toddler age.

As an adult I have trouble dealing with disagreements, so I try to validate their feelings first before looking for a solution. Draw the line is a new concept on my chart, but it's the same as an enforcable statement in Love and Logic. You state what you will do and when.

Combat Selfishness

Here are 4 ways to combat selfishness in our kids. 1) Give them service opportunities. 2) Don't give them everything without them working for some of it. 3) Show gratitude to God for our blessings. 4) If they don't respect what we give them, they don't get to use it.

Pride

I wanted to share my thoughts on this. Prideful vs Humble Phrases:
Leader: (Prideful) You’re too stupid, let me do it! I can't work with you!
(Humble) It may not come out perfect, but give it a try.

Listener: (Prideful) That’s a stupid way to do it! You're on your own!
(Humble) I hope that works out for you. Did you think about this?

Follower: (Prideful) I’m not stupid! I can do it! I can do it alone.
(Humble) Do you have any suggestions? My way isn’t working/could be better.

It looks like pride separates people and keeps them from working together, growing as one body of

Christ.

Prideful people organize others into categories of dumb and smart.
Humble people organize others into categories of degrees of mastery and understands that we are all
working at different levels for our various intelligences. My dad thinks his worthiness is static and he isn’t
good enough. If he isn’t trying, he isn’t improving. Someone we know lacks confidence, but she
used to be different. In some areas she isn’t progressing, she’s regressing. A friend said: why didn’t you put your kids in a preschool? Instead of judging, she could have asked me what I was thinking when I made that choice.
I hope this is useful to you.  It's easy to see where I can improve.

Taming the Spirited Child

My daughter Stacy likes to play barbies, but wants to tell me who to be and what to say.  I was so annoyed I had to stop playing with her for a while. I discovered the book Taming the Spirited Child has a list of ways to play with such a child, some of which I hadn't tried for a while. I also liked the "palms up" technique. I've started doing less bossing and more asking what my child could do in a situation, but I like the signal of putting my palms up when I switch from telling to asking. I also liked helping the child discuss feelings, since this is huge for my daughter. For anger it uses a visualization of a hot stove. There's a different one for older kids too. Another tool I want to try from this book is to create an imaginary reality when she wants something she can't have. Yesterday she asked to go to Disney World tomorrow, but I didn't know how to create an imaginary reality. I'll have to practice I guess. The last big ah-ha in this book was the description of a strong-willed child: CAPPS. Curious, adventurous, powerful, persistent, and sensitive. I sure wish my mom knew about this description when raising my sister. I bet she would have give in to her less if she knew what she was up against.  I hope I can handle my CAPPS daughter well over the next 18 years!

Let the Consequence Follow

When Stacy was just turning 3, she had a 9 day defiant streak and it was then I knew I had a strong willed child.  I asked a councilor at my church about recommended books.  He named 2: "1, 2, 3 Magic" and "Parenting with Love and Logic."  I never did read the first book, but Love and Logic has taught me how to stop being manipulated by her and to draw the line on what I am willing to do.  My husband was trying to dress her but she kept changing her mind or saying he didn't do things right. I told him to tell her we're leaving now and don't get into her little game. As we started to walk out the door she cried and ran after us, shoes in hand. I'm sure that won't work forever, but we know how to draw the line.

We have an adult family member who wanted us to pay their rent.  We said yes, but next time you have to move in with us.  We already pay a mortgage and have an extra room.  We drew the line at what we are willing to do.  My parents want to bail people out all the time.  Yes, sometimes people need help, but if it's a pattern we need to draw the line somewhere and let the consequence follow.  It is such a liberating feeling to know I don't have to save my kids from their consequences. I can comfort them through it, but not save them from it. Not all teaching is done through words. Some lessons must be experienced.

Control over self

My daughter Stacy wanted a toy and the 2 girls were pulling it from each other.  I sent Stacy to her room and as I carried her to her room her time-out kept getting longer because she was screaming and kicking.  During her 20 minutes she kept poking out of her door to trade another toy for the one she wanted. I prayed about what to say as I'm reading "Teach them Diligently". When I went in and sat on her bed I told her she has a physical body that is selfish and a spirit inside that needs to control her actions. I said she has a good spirit, but it needs to be the boss of her body. She said she was sorry and I said I forgive her. Then we prayed to Jesus to forgive her too.  That could have been much worse if I got more angry and discouraged!